


Loneliness

by peacerose47



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-01-22
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:31:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacerose47/pseuds/peacerose47
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An episode add-on to "The Q & The Grey". The night after the events of the episode, Kathryn considers what Q said and realizes how lonely she is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loneliness

“Admit it, Kathryn. You’re lonely, too.”

Damn Q. He’s annoying, but he was right. I am lonely.

In the early days of our journey home, I thought of Mark often. I kept a picture of him and Molly and me in the ready room, although I didn’t refer to it that often. I didn’t have to - when I closed my eyes I could see his face in my mind. Every laugh line; every wrinkle. The way he looked when he smiled; the way his hands felt, caressing my face, running through my hair…

But I will, in all probability, never see him again. Never hold his hand; never kiss him…

“I know I don’t have any right to feel this way, but this bothers the hell out of me.”

Gradually, over time when I closed my eyes, the image of Mark faded, replaced by one of a tattooed face, and deep, caring, brown eyes. A peaceful warrior.

So why do I feel so lonely, when I have such a good friend forever by my side? Because we can never be more than friends, and I know that’s no-one’s fault but my own. While I am the captain, I can’t risk having a relationship with a member of my crew. Much as I might dream about it at night, or fantasize about it when I am alone, as long as we’re so far from home he will always be my good friend. Nothing more.

But for a moment, and just a moment, I was tempted by Q’s offer. An eternal relationship? And the child I always wanted to have? I would never be lonely again. But my first duty is to my ship, and until Voyager’s home, my personal life will have to wait.

A little companionship would be nice, though. That’s why I always liked dogs. They’re friendly and caring, at times even therapeutic with their deep, knowing eyes and wide grin. I think of Molly, my lovely Irish setter. Her puppies would be fully grown by now. She herself will probably be dead before I get home. If I’d known I’d be gone so long I might have brought her with me.

I can even hear her whine, now. Soft and pitiful. Or… is it really in my head? The soft sound of a puppy’s whimper is echoing through my quarters. Coming from the bedroom, perhaps?

On the bed. In a little basket with a pink blanket. It’s the setter puppy Q brought me earlier today. As happened the first time, I feel my heart swell a little as I gaze at the tiny puppy. It’s almost like a smaller version of Molly. A mini-Molly. 

But… if the puppy’s here, that means Q is probably somewhere nearby too. Holding the puppy in my arms, I return to the living area and see a vase of red roses on my desk that I’d swear wasn’t there before. A small card is attached to the bouquet, with the simple inscription, “Thank You. Q, Q, and Q.”

The roses are nice, and the puppy… well, I would welcome the company. Holding the puppy up so I can look into its chocolate-brown eyes, it takes the opportunity to lick my nose. Molly used to do that too, I realize with a smile.

I don’t know if Q will let me keep the puppy, or if he only intends for its presence to be a temporary pick-me-up, but either way, I am grateful to him. Settling on to the couch, I watch the puppy turn around several times and curl up in my lap.

Suddenly, watching the small animal sleeping, I realize I don’t feel so lonely anymore.


End file.
